The Christian Lover!!

There's so much PR for love in the world.

And too little love PR in Christendom, e dey vex me. And that's putting it lightly.

There's this hush-hush about it.

Don't think about love in school.

Don't date.

Don't like anybody.

Don't even breathe in the direction of romance.

And then somehow you're 23, you meet a boy.

At 25, you get married.

And then you start popping out babies in rapid succession.

There's something deeply flawed about that status quo.

The Christian love life, in many spaces, is warped around marriage. Don't get me wrong, marriage is a beautiful thing. But there's so much focus on marriage and too little focus on love.

If a teenager asks about love, they're very quick to quote Song of Songs and say, "Do not awaken love until it's time." I think that's too baseline, so let's walk through it together.

I think love is a beautiful thing. I like love a lot. Members of my unit in chapel call me Mummy Ife because of how much I write about love.

For the Christian teenager, it's possible to meet someone and fall madly in love with them. But is it time?

Love is not a feeling that allows you to pick its timeline, although you can control what you do with it.

I think it's important that the Christian teenager knows what to do about feelings and love. I think it's important that it's not a shunned topic in churches, that it's not stigmatized. I think it's important that we understand what love is and how we should love, because we have feelings as much as the next teenager. Pretending we don't, forcing us to repress these feelings, or leaving them unchecked because of the shame attached to teenage romance is unreal.

We need conversations, not silence.

I think that's my problem with a lot of things in this system. Christianity has been warped around religion so much that sometimes we've forgotten the essence of Christianity.

That's why I think the Church should talk more about love, attraction, boundaries, emotional intelligence, heartbreak, and healthy relationships. Silence doesn't make feelings disappear. It only leaves people to figure things out alone.

Christianity itself is built on relationship.

Christians were called Christians because they looked like Christ. And Christ embodied love. So why are we so uncomfortable talking about something that is central to our faith? The doctrine of Christianity is built on love and relationship.

I said it in a spoken word piece I did last year:

May I not trade religion for relationship.

May I not chase routine and miss fellowship.

The most important thing in Christianity is your relationship with the Holy Spirit. Your relationship with Christ. But we've carried religion on our head like it's market.

That's not even the crux of the matter today. I'll do another piece on why religion pisses me off.

But on a serious note, love is a good feeling. And as long as you're approaching it with wisdom and Christ as your foundation, omo, love itself is not the problem.

Now, does this mean you should go and fall in love too early? No.

Or date when you’re not emotionally ready? No.

But I honestly believe we should talk about love. I honestly don't believe the answer is silence.

I believe we should have love songs as Christians. I believe Christian artists should write songs about love. AEO is doing that really well, sha. But I'm not going to use Adullam as my first dance song, and I'm definitely not going to use a song by Rema or Ruger.

I just honestly think we should be more open-minded about it.

Emotional intelligence is another thing, mehn.

And dear Christian brothers, Christianity is not an excuse for emotional unintelligence. The Bible is not a tool for oppression. Read Scripture wisely. Read it in context. Read it with humility.

Because sometimes I meet incredibly intelligent people and think, "Ouuu, I like this person's mind." Then they're not Christians. And then I meet Christian brothers who are emotionally immature or unintelligent and have interpreted Scripture through misogyny and chauvinism.

Christian brothers need a deep reorientation, mehn. And this is less about relationships and more about friendships in general. I have solid, intelligent friends whose minds I love and how they think, and they are actual Christians. And it seems like they're the exception to the rule and it shouldn't be that way.

Overall, we need to do better as Christians.

And it's one of the reasons I love a lot of young pastors. They're gradually restoring balance and eroding the excesses of religion. They're teaching people that following Jesus isn't just about rules and routines. It's also about relationships, wisdom, emotional maturity, and love.

Because if our faith is centred on a God who is love, then surely we shouldn't be so afraid to talk about love.

Yours,

Ayanfeoluwa🌹